The wisdom of crowds

Relationships are on my mind at the moment.

I live on my own and have done for 2 years. It is hard and often lonely, but the rewards are self- indulgence and freedom.

The risk that lurks at the back of my mind is that I am in danger of making a totem of solo living. It is not too far a step from believing that it is better to live alone than with the wrong person, to believing that it is better to live alone full stop.

The stern Scots who lurk in my family tree would have me believe that there is virtue in taking the stony path even if a comfy sedan chair were to be put on offer.

Part of my fear is that relationships involve unequal compromise. But that’s based on a very small sample of two, which both crashed and burned. So I asked twitter. As you do.

90% of these replies are from bikers. In a world where the media would have us believe that the most important things in a biker relationship are big tits and leather trousers, I love that Trust and Respect are the two words which most friends put at the top of their list.

These look like fantastic relationships. They might even be worth compromising for. But I still want to be able to sit and watch Eurovision in my pants.

This was my question:  Lady tweeps (and chaps?): what makes a relationship a good one? Bit of a challenge in 140 letters. But I’m interested. And #doomedtobesingle 

And these are the replies.

  • finding the right person i think, the rest is simple : )
  • late answer re: relationships: being able to talk, walk, etc. And a bit of a spark ; )
  • Trust, commitment and a healthy sense of perspective
  • Trust. Friendship. Similar likes/dislikes. Don’t be a quitter. Work through the bad times. Sign up 4 the long haul. Cuddle.
  • Trusty, loyal, bestfriend & lover, courageous, careful, respect for others. 🙂
  • Gosh, that’s a big question. In my limited experience, it’s having time apart and not being afraid of it.
  • one thing’s for sure: you do need a bolt of lightning at the start. I do believe that. Everything else is natural after that.
  • Trust.
  • Always remembering why you fell for the person in the first place, accepting who you both are and not trying to change them.
  • Mutual respect, reciprocity, companionship all help
  • Friendship, openness, compromise, give & take, lots given, little demanded, only positive games, sex, togetherness thru strife
  • Realistic expectation and lots of give and take! Luck has a lot to do with it too!
  • Absence of any need to compromise? #likemyownspace #menallrightbutwouldnthaveoneinthehouse. OK, compromise may be necessary, but the value of what you get back outweighs what you gave up. On both sides.
  • make time for yourself … it’s important to take care of “you” so you can take care of “us” 🙂
  • Starting as, and always remaining, friends. The rest comes and goes, but true friendship can make it through anything 🙂
  • Trust and respect.
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1 Comment

Filed under Introspection

One response to “The wisdom of crowds

  1. HWL:

    Oh HWL, I am feeling so sorry for you. I am at a loss . . . you are intelligent, world travelled, you ride a motorcycle, compassionate, good at mechanics, in short, everything a person would want in a partner and yet you have to endure the discomfort of being “single”. You would be an awesome find for anyone

    bob
    Riding the Wet Coast
    My Flickr // My YouTube

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